Picking at the Past

I have decided that have at least two books of poetry already written. I have been writing for over 30 years after all. I have so much poetry, it just needs to be edited, organized and published. But that means going through it all, and with it, the memories. Which led to the following poem as I basically picked at scabs and poked at scars. Here it is:

Going back to the past

The pains still there

Right where I left it

Gotta unpack it, examine it

Look at it square in the eye

Measure it, claim it

Dig it out, write about it,

Make it my bitch

Everything there’s still the same

That’s why I don’t live there anymore

I’ve moved on,

Healed from it, left it, learned from it

Moved on past it

But still it wants acknowledgement

Hey, it happened, time to own it

My pain helped make me

What I am today

So it’s time to stop hiding,

Feeling ashamed,

Pushing my pain into the dark,

Deep, secret places of my heart

Like a vampire, the light will kill it

Drag it out and let it burn

Show the world what I’ve survived

No more shame, no more pain

Make it work for me

The final step, the final piece

Taking back what it took from me

So it no longer has the power

to make me bleed

 

 

 

 

 

In Which I Murder Snakes for the First Time Ever in my Life!!

So this morning I woke up to my 12 year old telling me there was a copperhead in the duck barn and we were already down three ducklings! Ya’ll I’ve never killed a snake in my life! So here I go, it may be 100 degrees but I put on blue jeans and tall boots and I go out there with a long stick, an axe and a shovel. Now my son tried to tell me the way daddy does it, put the shovel behind it’s head and push down. But no, I think I’m a badass with the axe. I’m sure I can take it’s head off in one whack. So I pull the axe back and WHACK! I’m so freaking proud of myself but why is it moving like that? Oh, I took off it’s TAIL, so now it’s really fucking pissed off! Ok, Ok, hold on, I whack at it again and hit it in the middle, but not a clean hit, I’ve just wounded it again, now it’s trying to hide from me and the next two whacks took out the duck feeder. Well, ok, maybe I should use that damn shovel after all, before it bites me. It’s biting at the ducks, the shovel and itself. I actually feel bad at this point, I don’t want it to suffer, I just want it to die! I finally use the shovel exactly as my 12 year old told me and killed the damn thing. Now it’s in three pieces and the damn thing is still moving around and biting at everything. Jesus Christ, this is going to give me nightmares, no wonder people have snake phobias, this thing is like a freaking vampire and it WILL NOT DIE!! The dogs won’t even go near the body! So we bury the head and damned if the body isn’t STILL moving around! Hell no, ya’ll, hell no! Nobody prepared me for this shit. I am shaking from the adrenaline rush, and covered in sweat. I go inside, take a shower, watch some TV with the kids. Later, while I’m making dinner, guess what? There’s a grass snake in the duck barn. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? Well at least it’s not poisonous. But guess what? IT”S MUCH FASTER! I had this thing pinned down with the shovel and it just slithered right out from under the shovel! I had to really fight that thing, it was slippery and fast and BIG, and really, it was an epic battle, I could not get the shovel to separate it’s head from it’s body but I finally got it pinned down where it couldn’t move and Todd smashes it’s head with a brick. SHUDDER. I go back in, go back to cooking dinner. Ten minutes later he comes in to tell me he just killed ANOTHER grass snake in the duck barn!!!! (seriously, we’ve had snakes before, but three in one day seems excessive!) At that point, we just brought the remaining three ducklings inside, they are in the witness protection program now! I am TRAUMATIZED I tell you! I may have PTSD. Seriously, I’m a lover not a fighter. Why, God, why?????

Is Barron Trump a Victim?

There has been a lot of talk about what Kathy Griffin did. The criticism I’ve heard most is that this has somehow hurt Barron. Maybe. Barron Trump hasn’t been hurt any more, or any less, than Obama’s daughters were. But to say that Barron is the only victim of a Trump presidency turns a blind eye to a lot. Barron will be OK. He’ll grow up and attend the best schools, he’ll have doors opened for him just for being a Trump. His future is assured. My daughters is not. Trump has systematically destroyed protections put in place to keep schools and employers from discriminating against people like my daughter. The republican party in general has made it their mission to do everything in their power to make the lives of LGBT people as difficult as possible. The republicans obsession with pushing through a more expensive plan that will leave millions without insurance, hurts people. Removing protections from vulnerable groups hurts people, allowing bullying and discrimination hurts people. Barron Trump will always have the best healthcare money can buy, but Trump’s plan would leave my son without access to any at all. Barron Trump will have the best education money can buy while Betsy Devos guarantees that schools can refuse to educate my daughter. So no, Barron is not the only victim of this presidency. Not by a long shot.